Anger Makes You Smaller

"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.”
Cherie Carter-Scott

I went through a long period of being angry when my marriage dissolved. I was mad at my then husband for breaking the "rules". He was supposed to stay with me til death do us part. He was supposed to help me raise our kids full time. He was supposed to be my confidante. He was supposed to be next to me when our daughter got married; when our son had his first child. I was more than angry.

Then something inexplicable happened. I forgave him. I don't know when it happened. All I know is that one day I realized it HAD happened. I realized that I was happy. I felt good about myself and who I was. A huge part of that was because I was no longer angry.

Being angry did make me smaller. It limited me. I was putting a lot of time and effort into being angry. That time and energy is now being used to make my life and the lives of those around me a little better. And I think it shows.

Long Term Friendships

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.
— Aristotle

So my friend Maria and I have known each other since high school, aka the early 80s for me. We kept in touch after high school, after I got married and after I moved 1100 miles away. We call each other a few times a year and I see her every time I am visiting my parents.

One of our earliest, fondest memories is of a time shortly after Maria got her license. I should mention that Maria is what one might call a little high strung. She is always full of energy and ready to jump right on something as soon as it is mentioned.

Anyway, Maria needed some practice driving on the highway. I was trying to help her learn to merge and told her to move on over into the first lane of traffic, which she did. Right over the concrete strip between the on ramp and the right hand lane. One of Maria's best traits is that she can laugh at herself. We still crack up at the thought of "Merging Maria".

In a long term friendship such as ours, things apparently don't change much over the years. Twenty seven years later, Maria is still having driving issues. Last night we headed to the movies and there was a lot of traffic due to a concert in the same area as the movie theater. As we sat not moving, I saw that there was a right turn lane into the shopping area where we were headed and told her to move over to the breakdown lane and head up to the turn lane. Well, there was also a sidewalk separated from the breakdown lane by cones. As we headed toward the turn lane, she asked if I thought her car would fit. I thought she was nuts. "Of course your car will fit", I thought until I realized she was talking about the sidewalk! She was about to maneuver her car on to the sidewalk then turn right from there.

I am glad Maria and I have had such a long friendship but I think I will offer to drive next time.

Tears

Tears are nature's lotion for the eyes. The eyes see better for being washed by them.
-Christian Nestell Bovee

I started this blog because certain quotes seemed to show up at my doorstep at the most opportune times. This quote is a perfect example.

My ex-husband came by today to drop off my daughter. We got into a conversation about religion. We have very different beliefs. When someone challenges him about something, he goes right into defensive mode and tries to tear the other person down. This is something I did not like about him all those years we were married and apparently still bothers me.

His reaction to our discussion today kind of smacked me upside the head. I thought I was to a point where I was starting to like him again. By that I mean I thought we could be friends; that we had enough in common that we could have a friendly relationship.

Today's discussion brought to light why I do not want to be friends with this man. We have two children in common and that is about it. Our ideas about life, love, and how to treat people are so vastly different that I find myself a little repulsed by him.

When we were married, I overlooked all these things probably for the sake of keeping the peace. I think all those tears I shed when he left did help my eyes to see him for what he truly is.

Paint

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it. -Danny Kaye

It seems my daughter has grown out of her pink princess phase. She is done with her pink walls with the cute white flowers. She has been asking me to help her with a room makeover for quite a while now. We cleaned up her room a week or so ago and bought some paint yesterday. The color is what one might call "Screaming Purple". The marketing department thought that might not help sales so they decided to call it "Mirabella".

She is SO excited about making the change. I am glad she is starting to paint her canvas early in life.

Friends (insert Twilight Zone music here)

Friendship is one mind in two bodies. — Mencius

After I wrote my last post, I finally decided to let other people read my blog. As you can see it had been about 6 months since my previous post.

Almost immediately after I sent an email giving out my blog address, I got an email from my good friend Beth. It said, "Ha - great minds think alike :-) I posted to my blog for the first time today since April of last year." How weird was that?

Does this mean that I have found the other half of my mind in Beth? I was wondering where it had gotten to.

Peanut Butter

Man cannot live by bread alone. He must have peanut butter. -Bill Cosby

Ok. So I have been a little lax about my blog. I started it a year ago and now have a whopping 4 posts. I was going to figure out a way to "fix" my blog so that my second post which describes why I started my blog came before my first post. Then I was just going to delete my first post because I thought it didn't sound like me. Then I decided to leave it all alone. It is what it is and I like it.

So, why the peanut butter quote? The other day I was at a friend's house and there sat one of those frightening packages of peanut butter crackers. Given the recent salmonella scare, it became the topic of conversation. That led to a discussion about favorite brands of peanut butter. I have bought Jif for years because it is what choosy mothers choose, you know. A couple of people mentioned that Peter Pan was their favorite. I had to buy some Peter Pan peanut butter and see formyself. I had my daughter give me a blind taste test with Jif and Peter Pan then I gave both of kids the same taste test. All three of us chose Peter Pan!

That led me to thinking that change is good sometimes. With this being the day after the inauguration, I am hoping that this is true.